I dont know why I'm start­ing this jour­nal. For years, I have attempted to keep some record of the events of my life. But I have always dis­re­garded it at some point. My hope is that I can con­tinue this par­tic­u­lar record for as long as pos­si­ble, because of the ease of this medium.

I sup­pose that I write because its hard to find peo­ple to talk to. And because when I do talk to peo­ple, that means I have to lis­ten to their prob­lems. And many times, I just want to bear my own with­out lis­ten­ing to the trou­bles of oth­ers. With that said…

Here I am, 10 days from the start of school, and I have once again found myself in the unique posi­tion of not accom­plish­ing any of my sum­mer goals. Every year, I set goals for myself and every year, I come up short. I have no car. I have no girl­friend. I am in the same phys­i­cal shape that I have been for years. Yes, another dis­tress­ing sum­mer. One thing I find inter­est­ing is that I seem to do my best to cut all ties to friends dur­ing the sum­mer. Per­haps this is because I like to have my down time. But I think I pre­fer this method. The only con to it is that I get very lonely some­times. Espe­cially since I have no sig­nif­i­cant other to speak of. I have taken some of this sun-covered time to reflect on my past roman­tic exploits: Cathy, Stephanie, and most recently Michelle and Lind­sey. It's funny. With Cathy and Lind­sey, I com­pletely fucked things up. But with Michelle and Stephanie, I wasn't the prob­lem. That made me feel a lit­tle bit bet­ter about myself. Since the begin­ning of the sum­mer, I con­sid­ered get­ting back together with Michelle, but I always remained strong. Need­less to say, my thoughts on girl­friends are spaced at best. Then there's Jill, a girl I met last sum­mer when I worked for the city. She was very attracted to me, to say the least. Unfor­tu­nately, I was busy with Stephanie and all of her bag­gage, which I now regret get­ting involved with in the first place, partly because I was the cause of a great deal of prob­lems for her. That would def­i­nitely be one of the things I would take back. Back to Jill: She's very sexy and attrac­tive in her way. And I know that we would make a great cou­ple. The only thing thats stop­ping me is I cant get a read on her. We talk on the phone a cou­ple times, and I call her again. But she doesnt return my call for a month. I believe I'm get­ting to the point where I'll have our mutual friend Cali set us up. If it isn't too late. Ner­vous­ness is one of my weak points, which is not with­out rea­son. I'm glad that I've got my friend Erik, or I'd go com­pletely insane. Who knows, I may be on my way there. Just kidding…