Okay, so tomorrow's Valentine's Day. The only thing that I have to look for­ward to on this day is my jazz con­cert. Isn't that wonderful …

But any­way, my week­end went fairly well. Last night, Dan spent the night here in my hacienda. We had a really good time. Dan is really cool. We always have a lot of fun.

Back to tomor­row: I've been toy­ing with the idea of giv­ing Rachael a rose tomor­row, just as a friend. I really really like her and for once, I'm not exactly sure about how to approach it, sim­ply because of prob­lems past. Need­less to say, I'm not the most con­fi­dent in myself right now. Even when I'm at top form, I'm not the most con­fi­dent. But I'm never this con­cerned. But that's okay. I've decided that I'm going to give her the rose and let the chips fall where they may. Cathy can say what she wants, Nancy can say what she wants. Any­body can say what­ever they want. I don't care any­more. The more I think about it, life is very short. I nor­mally try not to buy in to the cliches, but this one is espe­cially true. Life Is Short. Some peo­ple don't like to hear that … because they know it's true. I've decided that I'm no longer going to waste my time wor­ry­ing about what peo­ple think or hear about me. The only ones that count will already know. Any­one that doesn't obvi­ously doesn't deserve to. I'm not being pre­ten­tious here. But that's the only way that I can con­tinue to live my life the way that I want to and still be com­fort­able with myself.

Take for exam­ple: Nicole and Mike's mom are mak­ing Valentine's Day din­ner for Mike and Amy. This would seri­ously bother the old me. But since I've adopted this new out­look (no pun intended) on things, I am very happy for them. No one can resist what they think of a gen­eral sit­u­a­tion (i.e. Mike and Amy being together) but it's not for me to worry about. I've come to the con­clu­sion that she (Amy) no longer cares for me. She may in the faint way to say "hi" only when it's con­ve­nient for her. But other than that, there's noth­ing left. Granted that I will be very sad when she leaves for good. But the way that I feel in my heart, she's already gone. Not only is this the best idea to avoid any con­flicts before she leaves, but it will be a lot eas­ier on me. I'm not being self­ish, it's just the best for all con­cerned. The only down­fall to this is that she may think that I'm avoid­ing her if she says "hi" to me and I don't respond. But the way I see it, any pos­si­ble feel­ings that I can cre­ate in her to feel bad will quickly be replaced by her most won­der­ful boyfriend in the world.

I will fin­ish on this thought: Valentine's Day really really sucks unless you have some­one to share it with.