From: "Jen­nifer Van Ort"
To: chris@chrislanphear.com
Sub­ject: Yet another WOW: Good/Bad is up to you-I can only pro­vide hon­esty!
Date: Mon, 21 May 2001 00:14:40 –0600

Ouch!! (i.e. the Megan com­ment!) (But I saw this com­ing — I just didn't know when)

I never put you through any­thing, all I did was try to keep up with what you did or didn't want by being com­pletely open and hon­est about how I felt.

The new boyfriend is some­thing that has taken the place of the void you left by not want­ing to be with me. I first met him at after prom through a friend. He asked me for my num­ber and I gave it to him fig­ur­ing he would never call me (con­sid­er­ing he lives in Gree­ley) and not hav­ing a good excuse not to. He did call me on Sun­day and we hit it off but not roman­ti­cally or any­thing since I was still wait­ing on your deci­sion and would have given up any­thing to be with you. He came up to see me at rehearsal on Tues­day, I told him I wasn't sure how I felt about him because of every­thing still between you and I (which I told him about on Sun­day). He was okay with that and was will­ing to wait it out and leave all deci­sion mak­ing up to me. When I found out you offi­cially wanted noth­ing to hap­pen between me and you, I no longer had any rea­son to push him away. I called him on Wednes­day or Thurs­day to tell him what had hap­pened and we decided to start a rela­tion­ship, despite my sligthly rebound­ing position.

I'm sorry I didn't tell you about this sooner but I had sev­eral rea­sons not to: #1 I didn't want it to affect your deci­sion about us because he meant noth­ing to me in the begin­ning and I wanted you, not him. #2 I didn't know how seri­ous he was and didn't know how you would react to my believ­ing some com­plete stranger had feel­ings for me. #3 I haven't had any chance to talk to you in per­son and e-mail was not my first choice to bring this up con­sid­er­ing I knew it would require the expla­na­tion I just gave you. #4 Above all I didn't know if this was safe ground for us to even tred on or if friends doesn't include dis­cussing rela­tion­ships for us — I was scared that I would lose you even as a friend if you knew I had to move on and had got­ten the opper­tu­nity to.

I hon­estly didn't mean any harm by it– it was quite the oppo­site con­sid­er­ing I was try­ing to pre­vent hurt­ing any­one. To be quite hon­est with you, I haven't told that many peo­ple about him and not too many have seen us together, thus I am curi­ous as to who told you or how you found out about
him.

PLEASE don't be angry with me because I made a point to keep him at a dis­tant until I knew whether my dream of being with you would come true or not. Also, I really have earned the right to finally get over you this time and a boyfriend that will care about me the same way I care about him may be
my only hope, and for once in my life I have that hope — don't make me feel bad for finally get­ting what I deserve.

If this has upset you to the point of not want­ing to be friends then I am VERY sorry because that was not my inten­tion at all and I've explained all that there is. And I still want to be friends more than any­thing. How­ever, I have been mean­ing to ask you about some­thing that shocked and appalled me
on Fri­day night. Jason Michaud was talk­ing to Amanda and I and over­heard my vent­ing about you but I refused to use your name. He dis­ap­peared for awhile and came back know­ing exactly who I was talk­ing about. That seems rather odd to me con­sid­er­ing I thought our feel­ings and what hap­pened between us
was per­sonal and pri­vate. How­ever, you were not around to tell him what I was talk­ing about but some­one must have — explain that one if you can! (I already have a few assump­tions of my own but would like to know the truth.)

Wow life was not meant to be easy between the two of us but I must admit– for some rea­son, you and your friend­ship (if noth­ing else) are well worth the strug­gle and effort!!

Still being totally hon­est with you,

Jenn

Yeah, what­ever. All I know is that I am done with this, and with her.