The major­ity of the day is a blur to me. But today, the tech lead appli­ca­tions were due for the Clumsy Cus­tard show. On mine, I wrote a note to Parker basi­cally say­ing that I wanted a higher-up posi­tion because I had the expe­ri­ence and knowl­edge to do so. She has always crit­i­cized my nature to freak out over lit­tle things and take them out on peo­ple. So I added that I would promise to be nice to people.

When I went to go turn the app in, she was in her office. I asked her if she had read my note. She said, "yes, but actions speak louder than words." These words really hurt. Espe­cially com­ing from a per­son who I've come to respect greatly. If she was ques­tion­ing my ded­i­ca­tion, then it's a really low blow — I've spent hun­dreds of hours work­ing for her in the the­ater. All for noth­ing. And she dares ques­tion my loy­alty? I always knew she hated me … this just proves it further.

Later, I had a rather lengthy dis­cus­sion with Megan. Lots of things came pour­ing out of me like a cheer­leader on a bat­tle­ship. (What the hell am I talk­ing about?) Any­way, we stayed in the Rocky park­ing lot, in the freez­ing cold, until about 10ish. I got her in trou­ble with her par­ents because she stayed there with me. Oh shit. Too much ten­sion. Exhausted. Phys­i­cally. Emo­tion­ally. Mentally.