Just a little bit ago, Megan contacted me online:
[20:14] megan: No, I'm not a liar. I had a pretty good time at Frau's house-good to get together with the germany group again. Miranda and I had an arguement about who's more of a bad girl. I won!
[20:14] Chris Lanphear: You didn't tell her, did you?
[20:15] megan: of course. and Jake told Amanda, apparently.
[20:15] Chris Lanphear: Wow…
[20:15] megan: what? I like to brag!
[20:15] megan: don't give me a sad face, I'll cry!
[20:15] megan: ;(
[20:16] Chris Lanphear: A mean wink doesn't make any sense.
[20:16] megan: that wasn't supposed to be a mean wink, I typed it wrong.
[20:16] Chris Lanphear: Ah.
[20:16] megan:
[20:16] Chris Lanphear: Why are you crying?
[20:16] megan: sad face …
[20:17] megan: do you really mind that I like to brag?
[20:17] Chris Lanphear: I *kinda* mind that you feel the need to broadcast it.
[20:17] megan: oh.
[20:18] megan:… I won't say anything else, I didn't know it bothered you. I'm sorry.
[20:18] Chris Lanphear: There's nothing else to say… and yes, you did know it bothered me.
[20:18] Chris Lanphear: But it's okay.
[20:18] megan: *slinks into a corner*
[20:19] Chris Lanphear: Don't do that.
[20:19] megan: *hides face*
[20:19] Chris Lanphear: It's okay.
[20:20] megan: no, I guess I did know it bugged you and I did it anyway. *is mean and selfish, anyway*
[20:20] Chris Lanphear: It's okay… don't worry about it.
[20:20] megan: *worries*
[20:21] Chris Lanphear: Don't worry!
[20:21] megan: *worries more, just to be irritating*
[20:21] Chris Lanphear: You're irritating enough… you don't need to worry.
[20:21] Chris Lanphear:
[20:21] megan: Oh. Thanks. *insert sarcasm*
[20:22] megan: I'll just go now.
[20:22] Chris Lanphear: No, don't go.
[20:22] megan: :p
So I got off the phone and called her… she told me about what she and Jake and Amanda went and did (apparently, went to the mall — what fun) and then she told me about the Germany party.
Then I asked her why she told Miranda.
Big mistake.
She told me that people have always told her what they've done and she was happy to finally say something back. This, I told her, I understood. But I didn't see why she felt the need to trample the wishes of others, like me.
She immediately got upset at herself and didn't talk to me. After a while, I told her that it was okay, and that I just wanted her to try and not do it again. She finally said okay.
Then we got to talking about some other things, and I had an epiphany of sorts right in the middle of the discussion …
From a conversation of a couple days ago, I was miffed at Megan because she wanted Jake to, um, "occupy" me on the 28th so she could spend the night with Amy and Natalie. I was upset because I didn't want her to feel the need to distract me so she could do something on her own. In fact, my feeling is quite the opposite. I want her to be able to go and do things without me around. It's good for both of us. Unfortunately, sometimes I forget that fact and act very selfishly and make Megan feel bad for not being with me. I'm working on that, but anyway …
A surprise I was saving for Megan was the fact that I'm going to be house-sitting during the weekend of the 27th. Whilst on the phone, I put 2 and 2 together, realizing that we won't be able to take advantage of this because she's going to be with Amy and Nat all weekend!
Realizing this, I told Megan and she immediately got quiet. Then I got upset.
We ended the night very poorly, and I don't know what to do. This is the third time in a month where something like this has happened (ie: I plan something for us, and an outside force completely fucks it up!).
This is nobody's fault, and most certainly, not Megan's. But nevertheless, it really really sucks.
I need to sleep all of this off. It's been a looooong week …