Ses­sion Start (AIM — TheSmilingPeanut:Jenn VanOrt): Thu Dec 26 17:28:40 2002
[17:28] Jenn VanOrt: Hey,
[17:28] *** Auto-response sent to Jenn VanOrt: I stepped out for a sec­ond… or sev­eral, rather. Don't worry, I'll be back soon. Call if you need me. (But doesn't every­one need me?)

–CL
[17:29] Jenn VanOrt: know you aren't there…but I have some­thing to say to you so fig­ured I would leave a mes­sage rather than call–don't really know what I have to say so think­ing before typ­ing is prob­a­bly bet­ter for every­one..
[17:32] Jenn VanOrt: any­way, caught­my­self curi­ous about you and what you have been up to so I broke down and vis­ited the website/journal–something I ahve been try­ing not to do since you told me about your feel­ings for me for fear of what nasty things you might tell the world about me…was relieved to find my impor­tance had only been exag­ger­rat­ted in my head and I was nowhere to be found in your writing…but I was dis­a­pointed to real­ize I totally didn't under­stand any­thing I had read since I have been such a..well, excuse my lan­guage but, such a SHIT about keep­ing in touch and what not.…
[17:35] Jenn VanOrt: so I fugured I would write to say hi and a belated Merry Christ­mas and how have ya been???
[17:35] Jenn VanOrt: also to ask you to please call me some­time …gonna be gone for 2 weeks start­ing the 30th of Dec but would love to see you before or after taht…chat over cof­fee or soemthing…if you want
[17:35] Jenn VanOrt: well hope what­ever you went out for went well
[17:36] Jenn VanOrt: and hope to hear from you soon
[17:36] Jenn VanOrt: bye Chris
[17:43] *** Jenn VanOrt signed off at Thu Dec 26 17:43:19 2002.
Ses­sion Close (Jenn VanOrt): Thu Dec 26 19:32:51 2002

Ses­sion Start (AIM — TheSmilingPeanut:Jenn VanOrt): Sat Dec 28 16:44:16 2002
[16:44] CL: hi Jenn.
[16:44] *** Auto-response from Jenn VanOrt: Busy.

[16:44] Jenn VanOrt: hi
[16:45] CL: how're you?
[16:45] Jenn VanOrt: antsy
[16:45] Jenn VanOrt: ready to go on vaca­tion
[16:45] CL: hehe
[16:45] Jenn VanOrt: how r u?
[16:45] CL: good
[16:45] CL: i got your mes­sage
[16:46] Jenn VanOrt: which one
[16:46] Jenn VanOrt: ?
[16:46] CL: um, all of 'em.
[16:46] Jenn VanOrt: hehe
[16:47] CL: i'm not sure what to say, but it would be good to see you and actu­ally sit down and talk.
[16:48] Jenn VanOrt: this is true
[16:48] CL: i dunno about you, but i'm avail­able pretty much all weekend.….cuz i'd like to talk before you leave, but if that doesn't work out, then.… bleh.
[16:49] Jenn VanOrt: well, unfor­tu­nately I am not avail­able at all this week­end and we leave tomor­row night
[16:49] CL:
[16:49] CL: although i'd be remiss if i said i were sur­prised
[16:50] Jenn VanOrt: sur­prised about what??
[16:50] CL: that you were busy
[16:50] Jenn VanOrt: oh…
[16:51] Jenn VanOrt: not so much busy–just have 2 weeks to pack for and house­keep­ing stuff to do
[16:51] Jenn VanOrt: and am a half hour from any­where in town
[16:52] CL: i see
[16:52] CL: i love how you say some­thing like, "let's hang out" and then follow-up with, "but, no, i'm busy".…
[16:52] Jenn VanOrt: hey cool
[16:52] CL: eh?
[16:52] Jenn VanOrt: lets attack me now for just offer­ing a sug­ges­tion
[16:53] CL: i'm not attack­ing you
[16:53] Jenn VanOrt: I didn't say tomor­row I mean in gene­real
[16:53] Jenn VanOrt: geex
[16:53] CL: i know
[16:53] Jenn VanOrt: sorry I won't say things like that any­more then
[16:53] Jenn VanOrt:
[16:53] CL: it's ok.… just a bit frus­trat­ing is all
[16:53] Jenn VanOrt: yeah well join the ranks fo peo­ple that hate me…I hear it all the time
[16:54] CL: i do not now, nor have i ever, hated you. please don't insult me by sug­gest­ing that.
[16:54] Jenn VanOrt: I am a ter­ri­ble per­son for try­ing to stay in con­tact with peo­ple
[16:54] CL: stop.
[16:54] Jenn VanOrt: you started it
[16:54] CL: i hardly ever get to talk to you, don't waste it by say­ing things like that.
[16:54] Jenn VanOrt: fair enough
[16:54] Jenn VanOrt: I am sorry if you are
[16:55] CL: if i am what?
[16:55] Jenn VanOrt: sorry for say­ing what you did..about say­ing one thing and then not doing it…
[16:55] Jenn VanOrt: I am try­ing after all
[16:55] Jenn VanOrt: not promis­ing any­thing
[16:55] CL: ok
[16:55] CL: i'm sorry as well.
[16:56] Jenn VanOrt: ok
[16:56] Jenn VanOrt: so can we change the sub­ject???
[16:56] Jenn VanOrt: please
[16:56] CL: what would you like to talk about?
[16:57] Jenn VanOrt: any­thing that we won';t figth about …I am pretty on edge–it has beena bad day at home and as you jsut saw I kinda snap a lit­tle when even slight ly pro­voked
[16:57] Jenn VanOrt: how was your xmas??
[16:57] CL: it was ok
[16:57] Jenn VanOrt: get any­thing cool?
[16:57] CL: not really
[16:58] CL: you?
[16:58] Jenn VanOrt: no–an elec­tirc blan­ket took the cake for coolest…especially at my mom's since she keeps the house freez­ing
[16:58] CL: ah, nifty.
[16:59] Jenn VanOrt: sorta
[17:01] CL: so, i'm anx­ious to answer the ques­tions you posed in the IM the other day, whether or not it's in per­son.
[17:02] Jenn VanOrt: which question…sorry been a long week
[17:02] CL: [17:32] Jenn VanOrt: any­way, caught­my­self curi­ous about you and what you have been up to so I broke down and vis­ited the website/journal–something I ahve been try­ing not to do since you told me about your feel­ings for me for fear of what nasty things you might tell the world about me…was relieved to find my impor­tance had only been exag­ger­rat­ted in my head and I was nowhere to be found in your writing…but I was dis­a­pointed to real­ize I totally didn't under­stand any­thing I had read since I have been such a..well, excuse my lan­guage but, such a SHIT about keep­ing in touch and what not.…
[17:03] Jenn VanOrt: ah
[17:03] Jenn VanOrt: remem­ber now…so what part do you wnat to com­ment on??
[17:03] Jenn VanOrt: the you and what you ahve been up to??
[17:03] CL: no, where you were talk­ing about not being men­tioned in my jour­nal
[17:04] Jenn VanOrt: ohhhh
[17:04] Jenn VanOrt: well then
[17:04] Jenn VanOrt: by all means, enlighten me
[17:04] CL: well, take a look at this: (Link: http://smilingpeanut.com/tmp/site.jpg)http://smilingpeanut.com/tmp/site.jpg
[17:05] CL: this is a screen­shot of the archives page, all of the entries writ­ten since the incep­tion of that site.… fol­low?
[17:05] Jenn VanOrt: ok
[17:05] CL: do you see the part high­lighted in red bor­der?
[17:05] Jenn VanOrt: I read them all
[17:05] Jenn VanOrt: oh yeah
[17:05] Jenn VanOrt: pri­vate?
[17:06] Jenn VanOrt: can I get into those?
[17:06] CL: ok, as the title sug­gests, all of those entries are clas­si­fied as pri­vate, mean­ing you haven't read them.…only three peo­ple aside from me have access to those entries.
[17:06] Jenn VanOrt: ohhh
[17:06] Jenn VanOrt: ok
[17:06] Jenn VanOrt: so why are you telling me this??
[17:07] CL: in that area, as well as entries i have yet to pub­lish, i have writ­ten about you.… because it's not some­thing i really want to share with every­one, includ­ing peo­ple who shall remain name­less who read the site *every day*.…follow?
[17:07] Jenn VanOrt: sorta
[17:08] CL: so, in other words, i've writ­ten about you at great length, just not in areas that every­one can read.…if you'd really like to read them, i sup­pose i would allow you to.….
[17:09] Jenn VanOrt: that is up to you…I was just curi­ous but now I under­stand
[17:09] Jenn VanOrt: I just wanted to know if you had been lieing about writ­ing about me
[17:09] Jenn VanOrt: but I see you were hon­est
[17:09] CL: so, don't under­es­ti­mate your impor­tance just because you haven't *seen* your name on the site.
[17:10] Jenn VanOrt: noted
[17:11] CL: plus, i hold it from pub­lic view for fear of how pathetic it will be inter­preted.… i know that you already know that, so it's ok.…but for every­one else, that's a road i've been down before, ie: the old chrislanphear.com after megan and i broke up.…. i dont' want this jour­nal to turn into that
[17:12] Jenn VanOrt: ah, then was I right in think­ing it is nasty the stuff you say??
[17:12] CL: no
[17:12] Jenn VanOrt: ok
[17:13] CL: basi­cally, it says some­thing like (and i'm over­sim­pli­fy­ing here), "well, i want her, but i seem to have blown my chance, and i'm just gonna have to live with that, unless she decides oth­er­wise".
[17:13] Jenn VanOrt: ah, ok
[17:13] CL: and as far as unpub­lished, really, a lot of bad poetry.
[17:14] Jenn VanOrt: I see
[17:14] Jenn VanOrt: so what do you do all day that prompts the poetry?
[17:15] CL: i write mostly at nite.…which is why a great amount of the entries don't make any sense.…because i'm really tired.…so it basi­cally just sits there.… although i'm not too good at it, i'm a much bet­ter "writer" (and i'll use that term loosely) than i am a "poet".
[17:16] Jenn VanOrt: that is typ­i­cal of most peo­ple
[17:16] Jenn VanOrt: I am moer about poetry though
[17:16] CL: ah
[17:16] Jenn VanOrt: just like the need to stopand pull it all together and the abil­ity to beat around the bush
[17:20] Jenn VanOrt: so what is teh first part of your prop­file sup­posed to say…
[17:20] Jenn VanOrt: it comes up as jar­gon when I look at your info
[17:22] CL: my aim pro­file?
[17:22] Jenn VanOrt: yeah
[17:22] CL: If you're read­ing this, chances are that I know you well enough to have given you this SN. Know­ing this, chances are even bet­ter that I've writ­ten about you in my jour­nal. Have fun. Tee­hee! –CL
[17:23] Jenn VanOrt: before that
[17:23] CL: um, there isn't any­thing before that
[17:23] Jenn VanOrt: oh
[17:23] Jenn VanOrt: well it looks like there is
[17:24] Jenn VanOrt: but maybe it is just jar­gon that describes what is writ­ten
[17:24] Jenn VanOrt: afer it
[17:28] CL: um, there shouldn't be.…if you see some­thing that looks like, <span style= .… then it is html code to for­mat the color of the text and stuff like that
[17:28] Jenn VanOrt: ok
[17:28] Jenn VanOrt: that is what I was talku­ing about
[17:28] CL: ah
[17:28] CL: you shouldn't see that code, but oh well
[17:29] CL: i'm prob­a­bly gonna change my pro­file around any­way
[17:29] Jenn VanOrt: hhe
[17:38] Jenn VanOrt: what are ya gonna put on it now??
[17:39] CL: dunno…haven't decided.…probably some­thing about you
[17:39] Jenn VanOrt: rii­ight
[17:39] CL: lol
[17:39] Jenn VanOrt: if it is anythign like the last stuff a guy put on his pro­file about me I ask you noe to—hate see­ing how badly I break hearts each time I check in with firends
[17:39] CL: um, what did he say?
[17:40] Jenn VanOrt: it was some­thing about how I threw a deci­sion back in his face so he felt like he was bleed­ing, lieing in a gut­ter…
[17:40] Jenn VanOrt: there was more but that was teh worst
[17:40] CL: damn
[17:41] Jenn VanOrt: yeah
[17:41] CL: don't worry…i don't feel that way…so i doubt i'll put any­thing like that on there.…plus, if i were to say some­thing to that affect, about any­one, i would put it on the jour­nal, which gets con­sid­er­ably more traf­fic than my stu­pid pro­file
[17:42] Jenn VanOrt: noted
[17:42] Jenn VanOrt: thanks
[17:42] Jenn VanOrt: well, I think I am gonna go pack
[17:42] CL: but i've been writ­ing a lot today.…so i fig­ured i'd update the pro­file at some point too
[17:42] CL: ok
[17:42] Jenn VanOrt: cool
[17:43] CL: ok, ttyl.
[17:43] Jenn VanOrt: well I may get a chance to see what you write later or tomor­row but who know with me right?
[17:43] CL: yup
[17:43] Jenn VanOrt: bye
[17:43] Jenn VanOrt:
[17:43] CL: bye
[17:43] *** Jenn VanOrt signed off at Sat Dec 28 17:43:39 2002.
Ses­sion Close (Jenn VanOrt): Sat Dec 28 17:43:43 2002

[16:29] CL: so, i was doing good.… after megan basi­cally bitched me.… i took her sn off of tril­lian and ini­ti­ated no con­tact. then, thurs­day nite, guess what hap­pens.….
[16:29] Indigo Merid­ian: .…do tell.
[16:32] CL: well, my roomie dan and i decided to spend thurs. together, shop­ping and what­not.… we came home that evening, and there was an IM from her wait­ing that sim­ply said, "ello?".… i closed the win­dow. okay so far, right?
[16:32] Indigo Merid­ian: yeah…
[16:32] CL: about 10 min­utes later, she fuckin' called me!
[16:32] Indigo Merid­ian: hahaha
[16:32] CL: and we were both like, "this isn't gonna be good"
[16:32] CL: but i take the call any­way.
[16:34] CL: we talk for a while, and she's like merry christ­mas and stuff like that.…. i non­cha­lantly say, "are we gonna hang out while you're home some­time?", think­ing that she'll find some way out of it, as before.
[16:34] Indigo Merid­ian: right.
[16:35] CL: and she's like, "actu­ally, that's why i was call­ing. would you mind if i came over?"
[16:35] CL: and i'm think­ing, "WHAT THE FUCK?"
[16:35] Indigo Merid­ian: O.O haha­ha­haha
[16:37] CL: so, we agree that she's com­ing over, and say good­bye.…
[16:37] CL: my roomie Dan is like, "dude, what the fuck are you doing?"
[16:37] CL: cuz i am totally freak­ing at this point
[16:38] Indigo Merid­ian: under­stand­able
[16:38] CL: so, i freak until she gets there, and we hug, and it all melts away
[16:38] CL: by this time it's about 9:15
[16:39] CL: dan and i agree ahead of time that i'll try and get rid of her by 11.
[16:40] Indigo Merid­ian: lol…
[16:40] CL: so we go down­stairs to my room and we talk for a while.…normal conversation.…normal sex­ual innuendo.…we wres­tle a bit and it's fun.…. 11pm approaches.
[16:42] Indigo Merid­ian: what next? sus­pense!
[16:43] CL: and we start talk­ing about movies.…and i ask her if she wants to watch "punch-drunk love".….she says yes.…(i'm not think­ing too smart about my film choices at this point)
[16:43] Indigo Merid­ian: ehehe
[16:44] CL: so i turn off the lights and put on the movie.… and by the end of it, we're lay­ing together.…. inside, i'm ecsta­tic.
[16:45] CL: she starts get­ting tired, so she heads to go home.…but, as is stan­dard with us, it takes us for­ever, stand­ing out­side in the cold, to say good­bye.
[16:45] CL: it's 1:30am before she leaves.
[16:45] Indigo Merid­ian: my my
[16:47] CL: it was a good experience.…nothing bad happened.…but i think it left me with a sprin­kle of hope.…and i'm not sure how good that is.
[16:47] Indigo Merid­ian: prob­a­bly not so good…