So… what's been going on lately? Hmm…
I took my dog Jack on a walk today when I went and got Chapell from school. He seemed to enjoy it. It's funny… I've had him for almost two years, and this is the first time that I've actually taken him on a walk. I should start doing that more often… 
"Fuddy" went well last weekend. It's such a great show… Each time I see it, I like it more.
Megan… well, she has a new interest (or an old one, depending on how you look at it) :angry:… and she's all but forgotten about me. Not only that, but she says that the reason our recent "quasi-romantic" adventures took place was for her to find out if there was anything that was "still there" between us. Well, I don't like being a fucking guinea pig… and I don't like being strung along. I'm being controlled… and abused… and deeply hurt… and I cannot allow this to continue… I sincerely hope that she is happy in whatever she does. But a person can only take so much… :
It's been almost two months… and it still hurts so much… I'm sorry if anyone's tired of hearing about it, but you know my opinion on that. I just don't understand why (it seems) she's just trying to hurt me as much as she can… and she knows she can… She knows the power that she has over me… how I just can't say "no" to her, and how she can make me do whatever she wants… and she does it anyway… and says later, "I feel bad about it afterwards." Why is she trying to hurt me? God, I must really be a horrible person if I deserve all of this… and I must deserve itotherwise, she wouldn't do this… Why does she need to hurt me… when I care for her so much.…
I'm sorry if I've been "a jerk." That wasn't my intention… It's just that every time I talk to you, you end up hurting me… and I can't take any more pain. I don't know what else to do.…
Sunday evening I spent with Jake, and Sunday night-Monday with Dan. I've decided to only spend time with those who are truly my friends that really do care for me, as opposed to those who only say they care.
It's funny… I never trust advice about a woman until I hear it from another woman… And it struck a chord for me today when she said it… "She will control you for as long as you let her. It's like fishing… she will catch you, play with you for a little bit, and then throw you back in…"
She also said something that hung with me: "God put you and Megan together for a reason…" Haunting… :
I was reading "Newsweek" today, and I read an article about the 18-year old Palestinian girl who made herself a human bomb and blew herself up inside a grocery store. The author made a strange comparison between her and another girl who died in the blast. Now, I don't usually follow the newsespecially as of late. After all, I'm depressed enough. But when reading that article, something hit for me. I can't really explain it… suffice to say that tragedy is relative.
For the past couple of days, I've been preparing for a Troma sales presentation that I'm working on tomorrow and Thursday in Denver. I'll be working with Michael Herz, Troma's Vice-President… It's exciting, but will also be strangeas I'll be glad to finally meet him in person, but given the things I've heard about him, I dunno… Nevertheless, it will be a welcome experience. I'm thinking of it as a vacation… I confirmed my hotel room today… and got the Civic tuned up… Guh… I hate driving in Denver… All things are a "GO"… Shit! I still need to pack! *LOL*
An IM last night with Indigo:
[00:30] Chris Lanphear: sometimes, i wish i were gay.… at least i understand guys.
[00:30] Indigo Meridian: lol, so you think
[00:30] Chris Lanphear: LOL
[00:31] Indigo Meridian: it's a lot more complicated than it looks
[00:31] Chris Lanphear: well, i understand 'em a helluva lot better than women.… good god.… i know we're not as complicated as they are.
[00:31] Chris Lanphear: of course.… but i'm just generalizing
[00:31] Indigo Meridian: yeah, well, …gay men are worse
[00:31] Chris Lanphear: really?
[00:31] Chris Lanphear: how?
[00:32] Indigo Meridian: lol… well.. combine stubborn male traits… then add in lots of emotion, lol
[00:32] Chris Lanphear: then you've got Megan, LOL.
[00:32] Indigo Meridian: lol
[00:32] Chris Lanphear: she's got the best of both worlds.
[00:33] Indigo Meridian: i dunno though… i've not ever met the number of pyscho queers as I have straight girls
[00:33] Chris Lanphear: exactly.
[00:34] Indigo Meridian: heh… but, i'd say, relationships are tricky things regardless of the number of balls involved
*LOL*
I think that about does it for my random musings today… see you all on Thursday!