I wanted so badly to kiss her one last time before she left.

I wanted to hold her, hold her and not let her go. To tell her that I refused to let her leave with­out me. But I wouldn't, I couldn't.

God, how I wanted to. How I wished I could.

I didn't know what to do… I only knew that I needed to tell her. And of course, she knew all along. She knew exactly how I felt, and how she felt.

I still needed to say it to her one last time. I needed her to know that she is the love of my life, and I am hers forever.

Of course… I didn't say that, though.

As she was about to leave, We stood at her car for what seemed like eter­nity, as we had done sev­eral times before… Hold­ing back tears… and words. Words that nei­ther of us could say. "Good­bye" is not in my vocabulary.

No, not with her. Never will I allow myself to utter that word. Not then, and not now.

God, what will hap­pen when she comes home next month? How will I feel if something/nothing hap­pens? Too many ques­tions, too many answers. I just need something…

Any­thing… as long as it's her.