I didn't write this, so don't even bother ask­ing… Where was this 5 years ago when I started dat­ing? LOL.

This doc­u­ment is a man­ual to girls. Girls can be very com­pli­cated they will try to trick you with loaded ques­tions, give you guilt trips, and try to con­trol your life. If you are hav­ing a prob­lem with your girl­friend, do not be an idiot; con­sult this man­ual before you make any deci­sion. I believe I can speak for all guys when say­ing; Girls are one of the most dan­ger­ous things in this world, they may seem nice and sweet, but they come straight from the devil. They are manip­u­la­tive, unpre­dictable, and down­right insane. The prob­lem is, all guys, ok, most guys love girls, not for their minds of course, but for their sweet sweet bod­ies, but girls are tricky, you can not trust them, they are evil temptresses. This man­ual will give guys all over G-Prep and pos­si­bly all over the world the upper hand. Con­tained in this hand­book is every low down trick a girl will try to pull. Do not be fooled though my friends, the oppo­site sex is not stu­pid, they will most likely come up with new tricks to get us with, but for now, this is your weapon to com­bat their evil, good luck.

If your girl­friend says that it is ok that you go out with your friends, do not go out with them. This is a way for girls to make us look like assholes.

Never talk behind your girl­friends back, she will find out.

Never talk about an ex-girlfriend around your cur­rent girlfriend.

Never com­pare your girl­friend to an ex-girlfriend.

Do not let her drink at par­ties, she will make a fool out of her­self. Beer and girl­friends do not mix.

If you want to go out with your friends, make sure you make the plans three weeks ahead of time.

The day after you go out with your friends, make sure that you have a legit­i­mate story to back your­self up with.

Never go out with a girl for more than five months, or else she will run your life.

If your girl ever asks you "If you could change one thing about me, what would it be?" the answer always is "Noth­ing sweet­heart, youre perfect."

If your girl­friend asks you to attend youth group with her, always politely decline. Remem­ber, girls and reli­gion do not mix.

If your girl­friend asks you "Do I look fat in this out­fit?" the answer is always, "No, you look great" or "You have got to be kid­ding me, you look absolutely stunning."

Always kiss your girl­friends par­ents' asses.

If your girl­friend asks you over for din­ner with her par­ents, always say yes, and try to look excited about it.

If your girl­friend asks you what your fan­tasies are, never say "to be with two girls at one time." it will never hap­pen. It is a fan­tasy and now shes pissed off.

No mat­ter how many fights you get in, or what the fight is about, always apol­o­gize, it is always your fault. I repeat, IT IS ALWAYS YOUR FAULT!!!!

There is no such thing as a high main­te­nance girl­friend; all girls are high main­te­nance.
Never have sex with your girl­friend after you break up with her. No mat­ter what you think, you are back together with her.

Never get back together with your girl­friend after you break up, it will not work out, and youre sure as hell not going to marry her, so why waste your time.

If you ever cheat on your girl­friend, and she asks you if you ever have cheated, YOU MUST LIE!!!!

If she ever asks you any ques­tion and tells you to answer hon­estly, and the truth will get you into trou­ble, YOU MUST LIE!!!!

If your girl­friend catches you in a lie, and you know your caught. Do not get defen­sive, youre busted just come clean.

If you cheat on your girl­friend there are three things you must do:
1. Do not tell any other girl, it will get back to your girl­friend.
2. Make sure the girl you got on does not go to the same school as your girl­friend.
3. Do not push your luck, never cheat twice.

When you buy her flow­ers never buy a dozen, always buy the half-dozen, its cheaper, and it doesnt make you look desperate.

Never ask her for gas money.

On your first date, do not try to act like a bad ass, you will just end up mak­ing a jerk of your self.

Girls love cologne.

Wash your hair.

Change your pants every three days. (This does not mean you have to wash them, just let the girl think you do.)

Never make fun of their music; no mat­ter how much is sucks.

If you are talk­ing to your girl­friend on the phone and there are a lot of uncom­fort­able silences, you have done some­thing wrong. Apol­o­gize to her and act like you know what you have done, you will even­tu­ally find out. Use lines like "look, Im sorry Im such a jerk" or "I know I was wrong, some­times I act like a jerk and I dont know why."

Never tell your girl­friend another girl is hot. First she will be mad at you and think that you are going to dump her for that girl. Once she gets over that, if you ever see one of the girls when you are with her, do not look at her, look the other way. If she sees that you are look­ing, you are fucked. Your hand will be your best friend for at least a week.

If your girl­friend asks you if the sex is ok, always say, "yes, its amaz­ing, Ive never had bet­ter." Remem­ber bad sex is always bet­ter than no sex.

Never go out with one of your ex-girlfriends friends; this is one of the biggest mis­takes a guy can make.

If you are hav­ing an argu­ment with her and you are 100% pos­i­tive you are right, just give up, you are wast­ing your breath, let her win because you never will. YOU ARE WRONG NO MATTER WHAT!!!!

Apol­o­gize Daily. (It doesnt mat­ter what for.)

Never go out with Eva. (Just ask John, or look at Karol)

Never go out with a girl whose friends you hate.

Clean under­wear every­day, no exceptions.

Always, always, always jerk off before a date, and then wash your hands.

If she asks you if you mas­tur­bate, always say no.

If she asks you when the last time you mas­tur­bated was, always say the sum­mer before junior year.

If you ask her if she mas­tur­bates and she says no, do not insist that she does. (Even though all girls really do.)

Never tell her friends some­thing in con­fi­dence, she will find out.

If she asks you if you ever watch porn the answer is always, "I dont need to when I have you, besides that stuff is gross," or "Yeah right, I havent watched that crap since eighth grade."

Never ask her if its a good size. As long as she has sex with you, you dont really need to know.

If she is in a bad mood, never assume she is on her period. Assump­tion is the mother of all fuckers.

Never crit­i­cize your girl­friends blowjobs. Remem­ber her teeth are right next to your cock.

Never go out with Debi. Your head will hurt. Debi and brains do not mix besides how smart could she be when she spells her name D-e-b-i.

If your girl­friend asks what part of her body is the sex­i­est, you are trapped, the ques­tion is loaded. If you say any one part, shell ques­tion "whats wrong with the other ones?" The per­fect answer is "Every part of you is sexy, why make me choose, I love you."

If your girl­friend asks you which is more impor­tant, mind or body, you are trapped, either do not answer, or come up with some­thing witty like "I think that brains are just as impor­tant as looks, thats why Im with you."

Never make fun of your girl­friends friends.

If a girl insists on pay­ing for some­thing, do not let her, you will never hear the end of it.
Never make fun of ugly girls because they will prob­a­bly be hot later in life.

There you have it, every­thing you need to know about girls. This text is for edu­ca­tional pur­poses only and is not for sale. If any­one has a prob­lem with what is writ­ten her I encour­age them to come and talk to me about it instead of going to the G-Prep fac­ulty. This text is meant to be a joke and is writ­ten in a light­hearted man­ner, if you are offended, lighten up.