I feel very much out of the group now.

When­ever I'm around them, I have to act like some kind of cir­cus per­former in order to even have them notice that I'm there. I don't like act­ing like an idiot all the time, in fact some­times it's just down­right ridicu­lous. But it's as if it's all I can do to be on the same plane or sta­tus with them.

I used to be the per­son to take 'walks' with. I used to know what was going on. Now, every­thing is second-hand, and there's no more walk­ing to be done with me. No invi­ta­tions extended.…and when I try to 'include' myself, I'm met with, "oh, you're com­ing with us?"

Fuck that. I don't need to be a bur­den to anyone.

Could this be a bit para­noid? Per­haps. But, given recent events, I just don't trust him any­more. I used to look at him and see him as a true, loyal friend; now all I see is a… threat.

He told me that he's con­stantly been try­ing to 'be me'. Well, now he has just that, purely by default. If what he wants is to take that which I have/had, then that's fine. I'll do fine by myself; been doing that for some time anyway.

He'll soon find that try­ing to be me is no bet­ter than actu­ally being me, which is at best a very cruel joke.