I don't nor­mally, yet for some rea­son, I feel the need now, to post a bit of expla­na­tion and dis­claimer regard­ing the pri­vate entries on CJL. It's not that I don't love you all or any­thing like that. And it's not that I want to keep secrets from any­one. Quite the con­trary, actually.

More than any­thing it has to do with the fact that some­times, when cir­cum­stances dic­tate, I feel the need to write about an event or expe­ri­ence or a feel­ing to keep note of it, and also to help sort it out in my own head. And yet, some­times the resul­tant prose ends up being either, a) too per­sonal, or b) could poten­tially impact some­one else's life negatively.

When I started writ­ing pub­licly almost four years ago, my belief was such that if I posted my thoughts online, it would help me to be a) more hon­est with peo­ple, and b) more impor­tantly, more hon­est with myself. To a cer­tain end, I believe I've done this. On the flip side of the same coin, though, I believe I've a long way to go. But as with any­thing, this is a process.

My writ­ing has hurt peo­ple before. Very badly. I can think of two spe­cific events from the past that con­jure a hor­ri­ble feel­ing in my stom­ach visu­ally akin to churn­ing but­ter. Since those times have passed, I believe I have been a bit more con­scious of the dif­fer­ence between what I want to write, and what is ulti­mately left on record, and how both ver­sions might be con­veyed to any­one that isn't me. Hope­fully, there aren't too many dif­fer­ences, because that might defeat the pur­pose of this lit­tle experiment.

When I really look at the words, they aren't that dif­fer­ent. Sure, some of the writ­ing can be, at times, a bit.…obscure. Even con­fus­ing, from what I've occa­sion­ally heard. Sorry, kids. I assure you this is not inten­tional. Some­times, it's the only way that I can find to say what I want in a way that makes sense to me, but can appear a bit masked for one rea­son or another. In many ways, writ­ing here is cathardic for me. And at other times, it can be a tad.…trying. That's where the obscu­rity comes in. I apol­o­gize if it appears con­fus­ing to any of you four loyal read­ers, but some­times it's a nec­es­sary evil.

With all that said, hope­fully the whole phi­los­o­phy makes a bit more sense. Sim­ply put, some­times words, even mine, can be just.…too much. The fol­low­ing entry is one of these times.