These are from a book called Dis­or­der in the Court: Great Frac­tured Moments in Court­room His­tory, and are things peo­ple actu­ally said in court, word for word, taken down and now pub­lished by court reporters who had the tor­ment of stay­ing calm while these exchanges were actu­ally tak­ing place.

Q: Are you sex­u­ally active?
A: No, I just lie there.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myas­the­nia gravis, does it affect your mem­ory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your mem­ory?
A: I for­get.
Q: You for­get? Can you give us an exam­ple of some­thing that you've forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one liv­ing with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remem­ber which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your hus­band said to you when he woke up that morn­ing?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Do you know if your daugh­ter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now doc­tor, isn't it true that when a per­son dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morn­ing?
A: Did you actu­ally pass the bar exam?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your pic­ture was taken?

Q: So the date of con­cep­tion (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three chil­dren, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: How was your first mar­riage ter­mi­nated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the indi­vid­ual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appear­ance here this morn­ing pur­suant to a depo­si­tion notice which I sent to your attor­ney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doc­tor, how many autop­sies have you per­formed on dead peo­ple?
A: All my autop­sies are per­formed on dead people.

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you exam­ined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Den­ning­ton was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sit­ting on the table won­der­ing why I was doing an autopsy.

Q: Doc­tor, before you per­formed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pres­sure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breath­ing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is pos­si­ble that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doc­tor?
A: Because his brain was sit­ting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nev­er­the­less?
A: Yes, it is pos­si­ble that he could have been alive and prac­tic­ing law somewhere.