Things got off to a hefty start, what with working dragon*con and all. I've given anyone who asked about the experience some version of the same response: "It was fun, but tiring." When I returned home from Atlanta, I very quickly came down with a case of the 'con crud, which wreaked havoc throughout my lungs for the better part of two weeks.

by Dragon*Con TechOps

We took a mid-week-end to celebrate Vic's birthday in Black Hawk, which was fun. The suite we were able to score was pretty massive, its opulence far more than we needed, which made the environment all the more relaxing.

We spent a day in Sterling last weekend for my cousin's wedding. The ceremony was short and sweet — the dance at the reception, however, will live on in infamy. All joking aside, I was proud and glad to see Jessi so happy, and it blows my mind because I still think of her as a kid.

After over six years since my last show, I'm returning to OpenStage Theatre to run lights for The Rocky Horror Show. I guess you can go home again. Those of you that are local, you can (and should) get tickets here: lctix.com. It's going to be a great show.

This week, I finally pulled the trigger on an e-commerce project that I've been working on for months, and more intensely over the last few weeks. I've learned quite a bit working with a new development framework, but it's also caused me to pull my hair out a few times, as all challenging projects do, I suppose.

* * *

Woody Allen was right: ninety percent is showing up. I feel like the other ten percent often becomes a race to madness with yourself.

I should feel accomplished — and I do. I'm also exhausted. I feel like a wrung-out towel. Things show no signs of stopping, either. Rocky Horror really gears up next month, for starters. But I'd rather have too much to do than not enough.

As much as it's been tiring, September has been fun and exhilarating. When I'm older, there will be plenty of time to sit around and do nothing, but for now, I want to keep moving.

Bring it, October.

The 'con is many things to many people. To me, it represents more of a family reunion than anything else. I've always been an "outsider" in that I live states away from some of the best people I've come to know over the last decade.

Jake and I used to make the trip southeast several times a year for gatherings and events to share with our southern brethren. Through a combination of life and priority changes for a number of people, this no longer happens nearly as often as we'd like, so we tend to seize the convention as the time when we catch up, drink, and be merry with friends — a family of choice, really — that we're lucky to see once a year, albeit at an event that draws upwards of 40,000 people who are otherwise uninvited to our little soiree.

Some highlights of the week for me …

Jeremy (finally) decided to make an honest woman out of Vickie and proposed at 'con. Congrats, you crazy kids!

My friends Brian, Stephen, Crispy and Patrick won a Parsec Award — and deservedly so — for their podcast, WhatTheCast!

Working the stage for DJ Spider's rave set in the Marriott Atrium ballroom was pretty cool, too.

And of course, what's becoming the annual Masquerade post-game party in the bowels of the Hyatt.

But all in all, what I treasure most is the camaraderie forged with people that I only get a chance to see once a year, in one of the most stressful, fun, scary, amazing environments imaginable. It's too much, it's never enough — all at the same time. We fight sometimes, we yell sometimes, but at the end of the day we're family.

* * *

Over the last few years, my 'con experience never really ended. In the months leading up to each year's convention and for weeks thereafter, I was committed to running our HR operations: getting new staffers on-boarded into our various systems, sending out communications, coordinating lists and everything that goes with it. After Dragon*Con 2010, I was unable to do this because my real-life job had a stranglehold on my time, and so work was reapportioned to others who had more time to devote to the job. There was no other choice at the time, really; work had to get done and it couldn't wait for me to find a free moment.

Initially, I found this freeing. I'd been so burned out with not having any real off-season for myself that I relished not having to do everything, no longer guilty that I couldn't devote the time that I would have if other things hadn't taken precedence. Going into this year's 'con, I was worried that the consequence of this would lead to my being a tad unprepared when I arrived for load-in on the Thursday of 'con weekend.

In a way, this is what happened. Having to play catch up in a maddening environment isn't always preferable, but at dragon*con it's generally the only option. This wasn't wholly bad, however — not by a long shot. I arrived on-site fresh and relaxed and I was able to keep a cool head throughout the 'con, which ultimately translated to a better experience than I may have had otherwise.

Things are always done best in moderation, however. In retrospect, I feel that I may have been a little too removed from the process that happens pre-con. So now the trick is to learn how to take hold of a fair amount of work that won't result in burnout before I make it on-site next year. I think I'm more than capable of doing this.

We only have five days every year to make our mark at dragon*con. 2012 will be my tenth year on staff since Amy brought me into the wacky family that's known simply as TechOps. I intend to make it my best.

Had I not been somewhat forced to attend dragon*con in 2003 for work, I would never have met such wonderful people that I count as friends — no matter where they live — and others whom are family. Without them, my life would certainly be different in ways that I'd rather not comprehend. These people — y'all know who you are — are what make me come back every year wanting more.

Thanks for letting me be a part of your world, if only for a few days each year.

Flickr: My fotos from Dragon*Con 2011

In our family, we tend to celebrate birthdays in groups: my grandmother, mother and uncle in March; the twins and a cousin in July; and then you and I in August.

I've never been particularly fond of birthdays, and not for the superficial reason many give of being reminded that they're older. Being the center of attention is something I've never been fully comfortable with, and one thing that's made it more bearable in the past is that you were there to share it with me. Like clockwork, even if we hadn't seen each other in a while, we'd pick up and talk during the August birthday gathering and all would be well.

I'm going to miss that this year, and I miss you. It doesn't feel right to know that you won't be here to share the tradition with me this year, or ever again.

* * *

You died on a Sunday, on Halloween. I remember thinking that I wished I'd seen you one last time, wanting the 'proper' goodbye that many wish for but never get. We were out of time, and though I was devastated, a part of me was smiling because that's the last memory I have of you: lying in a hospital bed, obviously in excruciating pain, doing your best to not show it, and smiling. You had no regrets, no delusions about how your life would end, or how soon. You weren't scared or angry or bitter; you were happy.

In a way, maybe it's best that we never said goodbye, because that's how I always want to remember you: with a smile on your face.

Then, via my friend Cali on Facebook, I learned of this:

Suspected child abuser Bradley Harlan Boda was arrested at his parents' home Wednesday on felony and misdemeanor charges relating to sex assault on a child. [More…]

It took my brain a few minutes to register, and then I saw a post on Twitter from the local paper that spelled it out a little more clearly:

Rocky Mountain High School counselor arrested on charges of multiple child sex assaults

I was a student at Rocky Mountain High School from 1998–2001 and a staff member afterward through 2002. I worked alongside Mr. Boda (I still call him that) and was a student of his during my time there. Once it sunk in, I re-posted the link from The Coloradoan on my Twitter account, noting that I had worked with him.

Soon thereafter, my phone beeped with a Twitter reply from a staff reporter for The Coloradoan asking me if I'd like to be interviewed about Brad's arrest. I deliberated about it for some time before coming to the conclusion that yes, I'd like to go on the record. Brad was always good to me, both as a counselor and as a colleague. I thought the reporter might try to go the sensationalist route, trying to get me to say something bad about him. I couldn't, though — it's nearly impossible to do that when you have nothing bad to say about someone.

When this sort of thing hits close to home, it's easy to jump on the bandwagon or kick someone when they're down. I had no interest in doing that, and if other people willing to be interviewed were, I was happy to be the lone voice that didn't take that road. Since I didn't take the opportunity to bash on him, I didn't think they were going to use my statement.

But sure enough, there it was.

I have no idea if Brad did what they say he did. That's not for me to decide. I can only speak to the person that I knew, and I feel good in doing that. He will get the support he needs, and things will work themselves out. They always do, after all.

I've had enough of the news for one day. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to return to my quiet life now.

UPDATE 9/24: A new in-depth article has been published by The Coloradoan today, re-using the quote from yesterday.

This is about them: 3,000 people whose voices were permanently silenced on that fateful day. We will never forget, in New York and all over the world. And we will not let it happen again. May you rest in peace. May your souls be happy and free.

I could spend the next several hours writing, rewriting, erasing and yet still rewriting, but then it becomes less about the message and more about the syntax. Something would get lost, so it's best that I save further words for a time when I have a better ability to say them. For now, I should focus on the most important thing, which is to simply say this:

Thank you for saving me. I love you.

You know that you have done things for her that have forced you to step outside of your comfort zone. You know that this will, with all likelihood, continue to be the case. You're okay with this, you really are, because you realize that ultimately, this is a good thing. She should push your limits, she should challenge you. In a way, it excites you — exhilarates you, even. You know that you don't regret this.

You know that you would gladly step in front of traffic for her, that you would do anything to ensure that she never feels a moment of sadness, of doubt, of unhappiness. You know that nothing that's worth doing is easy or painless.

You know that you trust her. You weren't entirely sure of this before, but you know why that is now. You know that there's no doubt in your mind. You know that trust is a two-way street. You know that you have to trust to love, and that without this, you're doomed.

You know that you're not perfect — never were, never will be. You know that you make mistakes, that sometimes you're scared. You know this better than most. You also know that you can't go through life afraid of yourself, your feelings or others. You know that you're tired of letting fear dictate your feelings and your actions. You know that you can't stand for this any longer. You know that you gave her a chance, and you can't go back on that now just because you were afraid. You know that's part of the gamble, part of how it goes. You know that she deserves a chance. And so do you. You know that it's time to trust someone.

You know that you hurt her, and you hurt for it. You know that hearing her cry and knowing that you caused it is quite possibly the worst feeling in the world. You know that's why you couldn't sleep last nite. You know there's nothing that can take that sting back. You know that you've made it more difficult for her to trust you. But you also know that you're committed to make this right, to show her that the whole of you is much more than the snippets of you that have brought you to this situation.

You hope that she sees this, and that when she does, she'll know what you know, and know that it's for her. (And for you.)

1. While I've spent nearly my entire life here and identify as a Colorado native, I was not actually born in Colorado. (Real answer: Kansas.)
2. I have a Bacon number of 3. For those of you who don't know, the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon is a game whereupon any actor/producer/whoever in the film industry can be linked to Kevin Bacon in under six degrees. (Me -> Tales from the Crapper w/ Eli Roth -> Inglourious Basterds w/ Cloris Leachman -> New York, I Love You w/ Kevin Bacon.)
3. I have never used or tried an illegal drug. I have no particular moral objection to them or those who do; I just don't like the idea of requiring an artificial influence to enjoy myself.
4. Although I'm not particularly fond of the color, I have owned three red cars.
5. I participated in a Daughters of the American Revolution speech contest in fourth grade. I can't remember what the speech was about … all I do know is that I went about seven minutes over the allotted time. Still got second place.
6. Most of my friends call me Duckie. This comes from the movie Pretty In Pink and is thanks to Amy. I don't even turn my head anymore when someone says 'Chris'.
7. I have also never smoked a cigarette or any variation of them. I consider this a byproduct of being raised by a family full of smokers.
8. In front of a crowd of over 500 people, I was once jokingly introduced on stage by my then-boss as the head of our company's chapter of NAMBLA. Despite this, I continued to work for him for nearly two years afterward.
9. I have perfect vision and am not allergic to anything. Yeah, you hate me.
10. I got my first taste of video production in junior high while working on my school's TV station. We had, for its time, a state-of-the-art facility and I learned editing on a three-screen, two-VTR Panasonic deck. Since then, I've done freelance editing, worked on dragon*conTV and worked for a film studio for five years.
11. I once did some writing for Kevin Smith of Clerks fame. I can't take credit for the movies, though. Those are genius enough on their own.
12. I lettered in high school, but not in a sport.
13. I once did jello shots with Fran Drescher. She's really quite nice, and doesn't sound remotely like her characters on TV.
14. Back To The Future Part II is my favorite film in the series. Not entirely sure why.
15. I started at a new school in second grade. One kid targeted me for ridicule and it went on for months until I decided that I had had enough. At lunch, I walked up behind him and held a fork to his throat for about 30 seconds until two teachers pulled me off of him. I'm much calmer now.
16. My cat is named after Detective Lennie Briscoe from Law & Order.
17. I love Colorado and all, but I hate the cold and I've never been skiing. I should probably move somewhere else.
18. I was nearly expelled during my junior year of high school for a writing I had posted on a website I had at the time, and I probably would have been kicked out had I not threatened to call lawyers at the ACLU (of which I am a member) for violating my freedom of speech.
19. I started learning webdesign when I was 14. I started charging for it a year later.
20. My first job was as a dishwasher at a sorority house when I was 15. Not a bad gig, but that's the closest I ever got to food service.
21. I suck at Guitar Hero, but I still enjoy it anyway.
22. I can't draw to save my life, and I'm also not that good at cooking. I would like to get better at one of these.
23. I can't go to sleep without something playing in the background. I find the silence unsettling. DVD commentaries seem to work best.
24. I really don't get the obsession that some have with professional sports and find the idea of someone making millions of dollars for knowing how to play one well mortifying. I guess there's just some things that I'm not meant to understand.
25. I'm deathly afraid of two things: heights and spiders. If you use this information to your advantage, I may have to kill you out of principle.

I'm glad I chose to give it another try.

2008 was redemption for me personally, and by all accounts it seems, for tech staff as a whole. We had our issues as we always do, but unlike 2007, we weren't constantly barraged with demoralizing and horrible events that hit one after the other like a destructive wave.

* * *

Some time before 'con, I set forward a time-management plan in an effort to not stretch myself too thin as I had in years past, and with few exceptions, I think it worked rather well. I had much more responsibility than perhaps I realized in the last year leading up to '08, and much more visibility than I could have expected with my role as "head HR geek" for tech staff. I went from being a staffer on the periphery to someone that the room runners and staffers looked to first to resolve issues and work out problems.

I hate being "in charge" of something, because that makes it sound more self-important than it really is. Part of me still shudders at the idea of being tasked with leading a sub-group within a group that's responsible for making everyone else as happy as possible. Suddenly, everyone knew my name and face, and that alone was jarring to a degree. I'd like to think it was sudden, but in reality, I was probably the last person to see that Amy has been grooming me for this job for the last three years or so.

This is all an accident.

Many of the old-schoolers like Thomas and Brian joke about the time when tech staff was seven or eight people. They say this for two reasons: 1) because it's true, and 2) because it's ludicrous to think of when you look at the size of the group now.

To the best of my knowledge, TechOps is the only section within dragon*con staff that actually has its own HR department. And somehow, I find myself "in charge" of said department. I never wanted such a high degree of responsibility, but it makes me feel good to know that the peeps above me actually have confidence in me and the people I'm fortunate enough to work with to do this job and to do it right.

I was blessed to work with a number of people that helped me do my job by doing theirs, including Patrick, Danielle, Amy, Stephen and my 'wenches' YarnGirl and Sunshine. Thanks to these people as well as an eye-opening personal experience or two, I find myself renewed in terms of dragon*con and in terms of a group that, over the course of the last five years, have become more like family to me than my actual blood.

I find myself anxiously awaiting dragon*con 2009, but in contrast, it's an anxiety that's positive, that leaves me with a fresh outlook and a fervor that didn't exist before. My only regret thus far is that it's only for one week a year.

But perhaps that's for the best.

If you don't already appreciate Troma's style, this one isn't likely to change your mind but those who 'get it' will find a lot to love about this mammoth three-disc collection. Poultrygeist: Night Of The Chicken Dead is a terrific return to form for Kaufman and Troma and the film is as hilariously entertaining as it is an equal opportunity offender. Crass, juvenile, and genuinely disgusting, it's never the less a clever and creative film and Troma has pulled out all the stops with this jam-packed release. Highly recommended.

Poultrygeist! is a special film to me, which seems odd to say, given its subject matter. Special for two reasons: 1) it's the one film that I saw from its genesis all the way to completion while I was still with the company, and 2) from a purely egocentric standpoint, it's the one Troma film that actually has my name in the credits.

So, for the uninitiated, watch the trailer above and then go and pick up Poultrygeist! Night Of The Chicken Dead exactly one week from today: Tuesday, October 28, 2008 — just in time for Halloween! Available in local big box retailers everywhere, as well as Amazon.com, and the Troma Studio Store!