Tag Archives: exhaustion

Two Funerals and a Wedding

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While I was work­ing at Rocky over the sum­mer, Nina was asked to take Gel­don (a stu­dent we had dur­ing the sum­mer) for the day on Sat­ur­day, July 28. His mom was get­ting re-married and she wanted to keep him occu­pied for the day. Nina asked me if I wanted to help her and I said, "ok."

So I went to pick Nina up this morn­ing at her boyfriend Ryan's house (she is cur­rently between homes because her par­ents just sold their house). Then we went to pick up Geldon.

We had him from 9am to 6pm … we needed to fill time.

So we took him to Perkins … and City Park … and the wed­ding … and EPIC … and Ryan's house … and my house … wow.

Like I said, we were fill­ing time. We even man­aged to be late for the wed­ding because we had to go back to my house to get some dress clothes and to change Geldon.

By the time we took Gel­don home at 6pm, Nina and I were fried. I took her back home, met Ryan, and went home.

Okay, I'm tired. Time to stop now …

S T R E S S E D !

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The major­ity of the day is a blur to me. But today, the tech lead appli­ca­tions were due for the Clumsy Cus­tard show. On mine, I wrote a note to Parker basi­cally say­ing that I wanted a higher-up posi­tion because I had the expe­ri­ence and knowl­edge to do so. She has always crit­i­cized my nature to freak out over lit­tle things and take them out on peo­ple. So I added that I would promise to be nice to people.

When I went to go turn the app in, she was in her office. I asked her if she had read my note. She said, "yes, but actions speak louder than words." These words really hurt. Espe­cially com­ing from a per­son who I've come to respect greatly. If she was ques­tion­ing my ded­i­ca­tion, then it's a really low blow — I've spent hun­dreds of hours work­ing for her in the the­ater. All for noth­ing. And she dares ques­tion my loy­alty? I always knew she hated me … this just proves it further.

Later, I had a rather lengthy dis­cus­sion with Megan. Lots of things came pour­ing out of me like a cheer­leader on a bat­tle­ship. (What the hell am I talk­ing about?) Any­way, we stayed in the Rocky park­ing lot, in the freez­ing cold, until about 10ish. I got her in trou­ble with her par­ents because she stayed there with me. Oh shit. Too much ten­sion. Exhausted. Phys­i­cally. Emo­tion­ally. Mentally.

Finally… A Day Off

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Slept until about 4pm today. Been think­ing a lot about things, mostly Sharon. Also, I'm really sad that the musi­cal is over. At the same time, I'm very relieved. I hon­estly didn't real­ize how fun of a time it was until after it was over. Now it's time to start on "The Shadow Box". Sharon has a main part in that show too, which coin­ci­den­tally brings me to …

I just don't know. Matt told me last night that she's very con­fus­ing and that's why he doesn't want to be with her any­more. He also said that he cares about me and doesn't want to see me get hurt. Many oth­ers close to her have also said to "be care­ful". Dur­ing our con­ver­sa­tion in the car on Fri­day, I told her how scared I was to be in another rela­tion­ship and I told her a lit­tle bit about how Jamie had hurt me.

Things have been cir­cu­lat­ing for a while now. A few peo­ple last night have asked me if Sharon and I are going out. And I real­ized that I didn't really have an answer for them. So I said that we weren't offi­cially together and that we're work­ing on some­thing slowly. But I knew that wasn't right, either. I really don't know. If we are "together", then I prob­a­bly need to act like it. At the party, Megan told me that maybe Sharon was upset that I was "flirt­ing with every­body". I usu­ally don't have the inten­tion to do that, first of all. And if I were "with" Sharon, there is no way I could pos­si­bly want any­one else. Sharon is so incred­i­bly beau­ti­ful and sweet. Tomor­row I'm going to try and talk to her to straighten things out …

I can't believe that I've slept this late and I'm still tired. At least I've had time to think today, which I des­per­ately needed, espe­cially after last night. I have a feel­ing, that for bet­ter or worse, things will be clearer tomorrow …